why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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