I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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