there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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