Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
What a dumb baby whore.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize