theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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