This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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