Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
