i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
