If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
