somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
