your parents love me but you hate me
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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