my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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