I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
