you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
