Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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