I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I understand Curling. That high.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
