At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
ttyl tear gas
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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