Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
