yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
