I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You can't just leave with hair like that
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
