pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
