I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
