You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
