I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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