i may or may not be watching the land before time
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize