Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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