i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i've created a new STD.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
