I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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