I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
