would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
