His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
