Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
false alarm. still invincible.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
