is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
