She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
