I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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