I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
