You made me cry and you don't even care
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
