But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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