He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
