i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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