You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
