Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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