so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
