i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
my liver is dry heaving
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
