break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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