Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
