Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
