My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
