Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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