Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
