You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
