I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
