I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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