24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
