I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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