Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
