There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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