Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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