I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
