Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
