Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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