also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
