watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
