Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize