Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
