They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
