he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
