I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
