Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
