I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
