She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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