then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
