I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
