It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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