C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize